If I hope to live without failure - a poem

A poem from the book "When enough is enough" by David Augsburger

Then no errors are tolerated, no faults dare to be accepted,
no weaknesses are to be appreciated, no immaturity is allowed.
Perfection is obviously a minimum requirement.
Anything beyond perfection is proof of your worth
and evidence of your gratitude to parents, mentors,
ideal self, or God.
Anything less than perfection is the sign of being a bad person.
Since (to fail is to be a failure) -
FAILURE IS FINAL.
(Let's press toward/beyond perfection)

Let the hope die.

Freedom to chose is freedom to fail.
An act of failing does not make one a failure.
The risk of living fully includes the right to fail boldly.
Since (although it is painful) -

FREEDOM TO FAIL IS FREEDOM TO GROW

Tears of astonishment in finding holy change on platform faith

Daring to step upon the platform of facing that which I used to call who I am, and how I serve, I did not expect nor were I prepared to meet Jesus there waiting for me.

With great joy, excitement and anticipation I picked up my mother at the bus station yesterday.  We are so much alike it is sometimes scary.  This I say with great love in my heart for this special woman.  With a deep need do really get to know her I have been blessed to have time truly away from the hold my parents had on me.  I loved them to the extent that they became my idols.  After some time, growth and perspective apart and looking to the Truth for truth, I can truly get to know them.  This short two days have already been filled with grace and love as I came to see her as the darling daughter of our Father, in her own right being loved for who she is. 

My burning subjecting experience of detachment was only in truth my misunderstanding of who she is, and who I am.  Seeing her strengths and gifts that she has to offer to the body, I come to see that we are indeed not the same.  We are separately special for God, and indispensible for the functioning of the church.  Yet which is unmistakably true is the need that we both harbour for our loving Leader, Husband and Friend directing us towards our loving, faithful Father. 

No amount of words can undo the loss of these past years of misunderstanding, and no amount of tears can communicate the anguish felt for misguided detached families.  This may be my own display of the deep change and movement God works within me to understand something of His love for the church.  But staying in this unfulfilling lie is not just a denial of who Jesus is and what He has done for us, but it is also a denial of what is to be seen in the church as family.  How willing are we to experience holy discontent with what is undeniably in contrast with what true family should be, what the church truly should be. 

Longing to go home interrupted by life – a change of heart

My life seems to be filled with constant interruptions with my time spent longing to be with Christ.  Like Paul in his letter to the Philippines, I too long to depart. Yet, it is also he who calls me to the challenge of evaluating my heart on its motives for my chosen lifestyle.  He also gives the answer in his letter to the Ephesians when he calls to set up our lives in accordance to the calling that God gave us and this within the relationship with Christ. 

For the past week I have been privileged to join a precious group of brothers and sisters in going out to Swaziland and just serve and support a mission there.  Laying down my own selfish desires of self-righteousness God softly opened my eyes to the misdirection my life was in by revealing my heart. He did this the moment I decided to actually be transformed by His presence in and through me.  I so often avoided the chances to be changed by Him as I thought I may be losing out by letting go of the illusion of wealth in life.  A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush is a common misconception in our lives when it comes to what we believe are important and of worth.  Just as the transition from worm to moth, we too need to be transformed to become what He intended us to be.  Dying as a worm seems to be a loss to the worm, but gaining a new identity as a butterfly, the butterfly would never look back on that which it left behind. 

Because of Christ, and Him in our lives we are graciously unable to go back to being worms. In revealing our new identities, He calls us to fly higher, live deeper, and long harder for proclaiming His glorious Kingdom. Whilst still on earth, we have the joyful calling to help others to grow and experience the joy of their faith (Phil 1:20 NLT).  Let this be the direction your heart takes when being interrupted by life while you long to go home.  

Astoundingly true to His Word

Broken and weak I write this log tonight, for some old forgotten wounds have been and are being opened.  My life has been going through constant change recently, and to my amazement it seems to still be changing.  The amount of things and places of change within a person are already one of the areas of astonishment.  What takes my breath away lies in the mysterious ways God causes things to change within us, and keeps the process going on.  When He starts working, He doesn’t stop.  We never arrive, we stay in process with Him, for the purpose of His work is to be changing us to become like Jesus Christ.  I have asked God to reveal and heal my heart, helping me understand why some things seem to be turned upside-down or inside-out.  True as one would always find Him, He is causing that which is weak and lame to become strong.  Never doubting that the process He takes us through is done with a higher cause, it gives me great pleasure to keep in mind that He is willing to compromise our temporal happiness in order to increase the Chrislikeness that He is working within us.  Tired to the point of exhaustion, I realize that we so badly fight against letting go of our own dreams and desires even with the knowledge that within God the untold treasure to be found is life and that in abundance. 

Graciously broken, the astonishing peace flowing from the deep place of knowledge and communion with God, my expectation now lies in finding Him and the illumination of the mysteries of His Kingdom.  How awesome is our God!